If Republican presidential candidates were a wine list
Waiter:What would you like?
Me:Well, I was in the mood for some internal misogyny.
Waiter:We have a fine Bachmann 2012. Not as spicy as the Palin '08 but...
Me:Well actually, do you have anything with really strong tinges of racism?
Waiter:Well the Paul '88 was, of course, legendary. The racism in the Paul '12 is much more subtle but make no mistake, it's still there. The Paul doesn't really work without at least a hint of racism on the nose. I also hear the Perry is...
Me:You know, I haven't had anything with a strong misplaced family values base since the Bush '04.
Waiter:Oh well then, sir, you'll want to sample both the Romney and the Gingrich. Although, while they both say 'contains family values' on the label, you really have to hold it back in the throat and inhale to even find a trace of it.
Me:What if I just want something kind of different but vaguely familiar at the same time, that will leave me somewhat confused or possibly disturbed?
Waiter:The Cain is new but I doubt it'll stay in stock long.
Sometime last week I posted a Police Box themed ring. It got 38 notes and I was super excited that so many people loved it. Seriously, ecstatic; I had a smile on my face for hours. Today, after coming home from work, I find that the official Doctor Who blog and the official Neil Gaiman blog…
The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: “Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?”
Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, “Nothing.” Then Katz asked the women, “What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified:
“I don’t make eye contact with men when I walk down the street,” said one.
“I don’t put my drink down at parties,” said another.
“I use the buddy system when I go to parties.”
“I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction.”
“I use my keys as a potential weapon.”
The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men’s side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life — including my mother, sister and girlfriend — and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender.
Woman:I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Woman:I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Woman:Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government:Because. Sex isn't for recreation. It's for procreation.
Woman:But it can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Man:For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government:Do you have a penis?
Man:YES, YES I DO!!
Government:WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government:But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Government:Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.